The Best Solution Is You.

I was recently asked what I would do if I encountered an individual who did not exhibit adequate qualities related to Social Justice, Equity, Diversity and Inclusion and (though I knew the most politically correct answer that they expected would be to “become very vocal about the situation and champion the many reasons why I thought the person was wrong and how they should change both their behaviour and world view”), I took a moment to pause and think…

Coming out of my pause, I responded that “I would do what I naturally do in daily life, which is to listen to their opinion; take it in; then ask why they felt that way.”

Taken aback, the person who asked me the question said they never thought of going about it that way before, and I continued to explain…

Oftentimes, we don’t even realize that our ideas are so intertwined with our identity that we mistake one for the other. Because of this, we tend to become hostile whenever someone begins to challenge or reject our currently held view; believing that they are somehow attacking us, not the idea.

You are not your ideas. Your ideas are merely a part of your decision making process. However, over time, we can mistake these ideas for fact and hold them so closely to our identity that we are unwilling to let them go. Think about it, if we held onto the same ideas that we did when we were children, we would never have gotten to where we are today; still holding onto the idea that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are all real (sorry to break it to you if you still believe in those beings).

The problem is we get to a certain age where we believe that we have everything figured out that we start to get entrenched in our ideas. From this, we lose the ability to continuously improve.

This is where the power of questioning comes in.

Now, when I say questioning, it isn’t a one-way street, as one person who I expressed this idea to had believed. I’m not trying to change anything, I’m just genuinely trying to question in order to understand (both where they’re coming from and where the idea originated from).

When you question someone else’s idea, it shouldn’t come from the position of trying to change their ideas; rather, expand upon and clarify your own. The essence of all real questioning comes from genuine curiosity and a willingness to improve—on both sides (yours and theirs). Maybe they have it correct and you’re the one who has the idea incorrect; you’ll never know until you question genuinely (out of curiosity). The root problem arises when we question from a place of wanting the other person to change from their opinion to our own. This is questioning with an agenda, not curiosity. This is you also blindly holding onto your own set beliefs that you are unwilling to grow and change.

Have you ever spoken to someone and you just knew that they were only waiting for their turn to speak? People can feel the way you’re speaking to them; it’s as much an energetic exchange as it is a tangible, experiential one. So, to be clear, when I say to question it means to question from a place of openness and a desire for personal growth.

When that happens, what you’ll tend to see is that after questioning another person’s experience with an open mind, you’ll both come away with a more peaceful resolution—a conclusion that is naturally more Just, Equitable, Diverse and Inclusive.

Well... that, or you’ll just choose to agree to disagree and be on your way.

Questioning (also known as the Socratic Method) is at the heart of all philosophy and paradigm shifting, and requires as much from the questioner as it does from the one being questioned.

Now, you may be thinking of a time when you saw two individuals arguing over an idea, despite being “questioning” about the other person’s experience. This isn’t true questioning; this isn’t the Socratic Method. The reason why two people who appear to be “questioning” the other person’s experience ultimately end up engage in an argument is because both parties are (again) so hopelessly and blindly tethered to their own ideas that they believe them to be a part of who they are, and they will fight to the bitter end to defend them.

You are not your ideas. Your ideas are merely a part of your decision making process.

The reason why those individuals engaging in a philosophical discussion of true questioning (a.k.a. using the Socratic Method) can be so civil with one another is that they are not married to their ideas. Their ideas are merely the basis point from which they are starting their conversation—and that idea is open (just like their minds) to change.

In order to change the world, we have to start by changing the way we think.

Having worked for a myriad of non-profit organizations throughout my career now, I’ve seen many unique and brilliant solutions to solve a myriad of world issues, such as: hunger, climate change, energy, poverty, housing, etc. The problem is, though the world is filled with great and meaningful solutions, the primary thing that has to first change is the individual.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. Well, you can also show people the best solution to solve their problems, but they are the ones who have to engage in it.

This all starts with an idea. An idea that you can change, an idea that you can mobilize, an idea that you can become a better human being. The problem is, we can be so married to our ideas that they become our identity, making us believe that we can’t change, we can’t mobilize, and we can’t become better human beings.

Now take what you learned above and start to question (out of genuine curiosity) why you believe the things you do about yourself. Not out of hostility for why those things are correct, but why they have led you so far down this path. Only in that way, by questioning yourself genuinely about your beliefs with an open mind, can you start to have the capacity to change. And by changing yourself, you can begin to change the world. For, what is the world but a society; and what is a society but a collection of individuals; and what are individuals, but a collection of strongly held ideas?

-question everything.